50th Birthday Jokes

50th birthday jokes really help get the party started. Laughter is the best medicine they say – and I agree. What better way to celebrate than having a good-natured laugh with some 50th birthday jokes! If you’d like to “roast” your friend or loved one, there are some good roasting jokes on this page.

These are jokes I’ve collected over the years.  Some of them, I made up just for you to use at your 50th birthday celebration. Please don’t post them on other sites! Thanks very much.

Top 10 Signs You’re Over The Hill

  1. When you’re asleep, people tend to wonder if you might be dead.
  2. Your back goes out more than you do.
  3. When most of the names in your address book begin with Dr.
  4. Finding your car in the parking lot is your idea of “getting lucky”.
  5. What doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.
  6. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
  7. Your knees buckle, but your belt won’t.
  8. That little old lady you just helped across the street is your wife.
  9. An all nighter means not having to get up to pee.
  10. You forgot that you already had your 50th birthday!

Helpful Tips for the over 50s

Tip #1: Always tether your glasses to your person. Without them you won’t be able to find your dentures!

Tip #2: Keep a journal or diary. It will help you remember what you did yesterday.

Tip #3: Take advantage of your age! Complain about your health and talk your kids into doing all your chores.

Tip #4: Science has finally made it possible for a 50-year-old to look as young as a teenager – with a simple head transplant!

Tip #5: Buy an iPad, digital camera and an MP3 player. Although you won’t know how to use them, you’ll at least appear trendy.

Tip #6: Become friends with people much older than yourself – you’ll feel so much younger.

Tip #7: Never attempt to pick up something you dropped, except under strict medical supervision.

A Prolific Source for 50th Birthday Jokes:  The Late Joan Rivers

A wonderful source of jokes about getting old: the late Joan Rivers.  You can find tons of her material on YouTube.

Use her material for inspiration, rather than copying her jokes. Or just tell stories about her and the jokes.

Another Good Laugh

There were three ladies talking about how they feel about being 50 years old.

The first lady said, “There are times I find myself with the milk jug in my hand, and the fridge door open, but I can’t figure out if I was taking it out, putting it back, or pouring myself a glass.”

Another lady replied, “Yes sometimes I’m at the foot of the stairs and I don’t remember if I was going up or just came down.”

The last friend chimed in, “Well, thankfully I don’t have that yet. Knock on wood.” As she knocked on the table, she looked around and said, “Oh, someone’s at the door. I’ll get it!”

Know what’s good about turning 50?

The senior discount at Denny’s is only a few years away!

You know how you can tell you’re over the hill?

When you can see it in your rear view mirror!

Random Laughs and One-Liners

  • You know you’re old when you go antique shopping and the crowd thinks you’re part of the inventory
  • Ah birthdays. You should really try to cut back, Joe.  Too many of them can kill you.
  • They say it gets harder to remember things as you get older. (To birthday person…:) In that case, it’s a good thing this was a surprise party. You may have forgotten to show up!
  • I really enjoyed making your cake, but seriously.  You’re starting to acquire so many candles, there’s not much room for cake!

These are only a few of the many, many funny 50th birthday jokes you can tell at your party to get a great laugh.

You will even have the 50 year old laughing at them!

Could be a risk of a “laughter leak”!

Have you ever heard a great over the hill joke? Tell us your joke!