X Husband

by Corine

I have been divorced for many years. My X, who lives out of the state, will be in town on his birthday to visit our children (who are all teenagers).

Although I prefer not to spend time with my X, we are able to be cordial with each other and even have short friendly chats. There is no interest in reconciliation on either of our parts even though neither of us is involved in other relationships.

I try to be open minded about spending time with my children, and their father, when he is around so that they still feel they are part of a unified family, even though there is no relationship between their father and me, and even though I still feel a little awkward when I am around him.

So, my question is, should I have a party for my X to celebrate his birthday, or should I just remain in the background and let my children and their dad just go about their own way to celebrate his birthday?

I know this is more of a personal question rather than a party question, but you always seem to have really good ideas in unusual circumstances.

Maybe there could be an appropriate middle ground, or maybe you have come across this situation before.

Thank you!


Hi Corine,

In this situation, you might want to simply support your children by letting them know why it is a special birthday for their dad and possibly assist them in their choices for the celebration.

They could treat him to a special dinner at a favorite restaurant or just provide a cake and ice cream dessert.

I don’t think it would be appropriate for you to host a birthday party yourself since that would be something his family or close friends should do. A birthday card from you would be fine.

That said, there are always exceptions and it really depends on how close you are and what his other relationships might be. But since you aren’t that comfortable around him, I feel it’s not a good fit.

Just help your kids celebrate with their dad in whatever way they want to do it.

I hope this helps!

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